A year ago today, I landed in Holland. Everything I was hoping, dreaming of, and waiting for the last 10 years had lead up to that point – a life in Europe. I was a bright eyed, determined, and grateful kid to have finally arrived to the place of my dreams. I knew living in Holland and being in Europe would change me, but I was not prepared for or could have even imagined the happiness it would bring me. I learned and grew so much as a person. The friends I’ve made, the places I’ve been, and the experiences I’ve had are unforgettable. I think I’m more sure than ever of what I want in my life and where to be and made so many friends from all over along with the ones I already have.
I’ve been on four continents and to 19 countries now! I never thought in my wildest dreams that would be possible, but somehow I managed and got it done and saw so much. I am forever grateful to the wonderful friends I’ve made and the people I’ve met. Spending half of 2011 in Europe was a great experience, but it was merely a stepping stone. It’s 2012 and this is real life now and I’m not just on some dreamlike vacation.
I finished university last month, ending a semester early. Though I’m not quite doing anything yet, I am glad to be done because I know I didn’t want to be in school for another semester right now. My head and my heart aren’t there. As of now I don’t want to go to graduate school, but maybe I will change my mind later on. I am young and I can always do that later on. I want to spend 2012 just learning about myself more and growing up as a person.
So I’ve decided my theme for 2012 will be Taking Chances. Yea, it’s a bit lame and I don’t usually make this theme, but for such a year I am willing to make plan. I’ve graduated now. I don’t have any debt. I have nothing holding me back so why not take risks this year and see how far I can go. I am tired of giving myself excuses to NOT make it. 2011 was so amazing and I had such high hopes. I have no idea what 2012 will bring or how I will even top 2011, but I know it could happen if I allow it too. I have been playing it safe all these years, but now I am an adult and I have to make my own path in life.
This year was started well, but got a little shaky because I couldn’t figure out what I really wanted or where I wanted to go with myself. I think I’m also battling with what my heart wants and what I think is right and they don’t always match up. All my life I wanted to move out the US and live in other countries and for the first time ever in my life, I can make that ultimate choice. It is not to say I will be happier out the US, but I am young and feel that I should try and see what I like and don’t like. If it doesn’t work out then I could always move back, but I will always regret not moving out. Though my family thinks I’m crazy, I just feel it is something I must do at least for the time being. It is not to say I don’t love them or want to be close to them, but it is just something I need to do for myself.
I’ve been really hard on myself already and let things bring me down these last two weeks. But I also think I haven’t been trying enough, wanting it bad enough, or putting myself out there enough. I always look at things that are standing against me, but rather I should be looking at the things that will enable me to get where I want to be. Why can’t I be a writer or an artist or live in Europe or be successful or have money? We can all have it all. I’m tired for not trying and not failing once in awhile. This year, I promise myself I will take risks, I will try and even fail along the one, but most importantly – I will be taking chances!
It’s amazing what a difference a year makes. One year ago, as I walked the streets of Amsterdam and Europe for the first time, I never would imagine the person I would become today. I am grateful though for everything that has happened and for everyone in my life. I know 2012 will be another amazing year and things will happen in ways I’ll never expect, but ready for every spectacular and magnificent thing that will come along.
